Lately across mind

today, we decided to end up the love. even though in my mind i still believe dat love not always suppose to be a let go thing but more to struggling. the love shared was sweet. i can say now dat he’s one of greatest blessing He ever gave me. i told him so yet for short six years being together (compare to lifetime), ever i had felt so afraid of letting go. years ago, dunno exactly, bought a healing book, 50 Ways to Let Go and be Happy of Chuck Spezanno. spelled in indonesian, Agar Bahagia, Lepaskanlah! havent read it yet, actually, but i thought i found my own way as i grow up. I’ll read it in a single next spare time :p
now, tears is less while acceptance is raise, and believing of He’ll take care d rest, im following d path. starts with faith dat life will be fine, depend on how we reacted to it *ya ga doo..*
less tears hopefully minimize d pain. *pray He’ll take away our pain, ta*
thank you so much for thinking of me til last,ta. wonderful big hearted of yours.
i’ll be brave. im ready of nu life ahead. just gimme some time, i’ll be back with smile.
love remains as it should be, to make us rich.

hoping one day people not put squares life of religion, ras, and anything dat may differs us from others but attitude..

*dedicated to man i ever love (we’ll be okay)
October 29, 2006, 2:38:04 PM

thing gets bothering me lately

i just knew that there is a possibility of having unmatch, unclicked person of which you might called it friend.
for real, not only in loveship. the opposite of soulmate, born not to be..
born not to be friends oh, come on..
people created totally different from other, special-unique creature. common similarities are highly likely the default
values of the humanity side, for not being alone. understandable language and gestures, right-brain (dominant for women),
left-brain (dominant for men) -as is men nor women using both- build communication and relation.
since they blend and keep good understanding, they always can communicate.
a friendship has lighter rules than loveship. if we can communicate well, we’re friends. its just d beginning.
every relationship needs to be maintained, simply by being who u really are. do not pretend a thing.

i am what i am, so so person, and thank God i have no some very annoying behaviour dat makes people uncomfort.
not always be a nice one, bcoz dat would be so bored life i live ;p
love to have thousands friends around d world. i am wealthy since i have them *lup ya guys*
do not like being alone, it tortures..

and a bang !@##$@ benang-kusut friendship.. what is it in english yaa..
suddenly i am unwanted. im some kind of boring. im talking abt same topics everyday.
and i still not have a belief it describe me.
i do no treat this different or rude or badly. i am just being me which im showing people everyday, no fake.
started thinking is it really something i have to fix in me..
and while i am trying to fix d benang-kusut –dont tell me im not..– then it’d just be more kusut.
to keep it called ’ship’.. for no other mistakes..
i am not me. not talking much, thinking alot before talk for not making some other bored things.
and its tiring. unrealized, im being too careful to let them saw me as real me.
start to converse n stuck. thing changes. time ran out. cant go back, seems to me.

then i finish it with consideration, it’s just not born to be. kind dat simple reason.
its rare, but its possibly true.
there are some levels on friendship. its just have one chapter and done.
sad but accept it. dont have to mengurai benang kusut (in english plz :p), its all abt not trying to take it to the next
chapter.no more benang kusut, but no chance to explore dis one, dis friendship (dat i ever believed would be cool…)

left a little why in me. guess i never know
(uncounted fun and laughter)

hmm.. miss talking to you sometime..

20061017nite

Deket pintu keluar kampus syahdan (binus, red), ada tempat makan yang ampir tiap malam gue ma fira datengin (baca : rm favorit kekeke). si tante piara macem-macem ikan di aquariumnya. tu aquarium bagaikan bulan dan bintang (baca : langit dan bumi) dengan abandoned aquarium di rumah lama kita.. bersih, aernya beeennnniiiiiinnnnnggggg banged. Keliatan dari ikan-ikannya yang bahagia dan berseri-seri (kekekekeke). –maaf ya bendera (baca : kokiku semata wayang yg baru sehari ditinggalin di rumah lama tau-tau da mengambang tak berdaya, hiks).. jadi flash back *halahhh..

back to topic yaa. ada satu keanehan siy yg aq temuin di sana, sbenernya ngehnya juga da lama, tp b sempet nulis skrg.. di komunitas itu, ada ikan kecil2 yang aq ga tau namanya (gapi kali yaaa, kekeke),bbrp sapu2, agak banyak ikan layang-layang, sampe si single koki. yang mo dibicarain di sini tu, si layang-layang (s) ama si single koki. beda dari koki kebanyakan (yg suka diving ke dasar aquarium) niy koki lebih sering berada di permukaan — mgkn faktor napas pendeknya kekeke. *too much metafora yang hiperbola yaaa (bodo amat :p) ngga cuma sampe situ aj, masi ada sisi ikanwi nya yang rakus seperti koki-koki lainnya. hmm, atau lebih rakus, kayak koi-koi cantik itu loh.. ini siy bukan fenomena blended ato adapted ato copyfish, soalnya ga ada koi di sana.. mgkn itu emang sifat dasarnya aja..yawdaah, itu bukan bagian yang penting dari cerita ini. *masuk ke klimaks ne,eng ing eng..

inget kan, si single koki suka berada di permukaan.. nah ini awalnya. bukan cuma sekedar berenang bolak-balik selayaknya koki biasa, si single malahan bergaya mati suri dengan posisi agak diagonal, persis banged ama layang-layang (s) yang lain. busett dah. kalo dia ga bulet gendut n kuning, punya sirip kayak busur, dan kalo aj aq ga pernah liat wujud asli koki siy, pasti aq pikir dia tu tetep ikan layang-layang yg dilahirkan dengan kelainan genetis huahahahaha…
si single ini lagi nge-blend ma lingkungannya, ato sekedar beradaptasi aj, ato dia sekedar copyfish aja. rahasia ini cuma si single koki dan Tuhan yang tauuu (kok, jadi kayak bajaj yaa). keren juga loh penempatan posisinya bareng ikan2 lain. kayaknya emang pantes dia ada di sana. kayak emang uda seharusnya di sana komunitasnya. hmm… sempet ku foto juga siy. tp mungkin ga jelas d, pake hp soalnyaa..

tapi, apapun alasan yg ada di pikiran si single koki, lucu juga siy.. ga perlu ditelaah dan dipahami lebih jauh, dia ga peduli pendapat spesies lain (termasuk kita manusia). lagian, mo ditanyain juga ga mungkin kan. dan sebenernya amat sangat ngga penting ceritanya keekekkeke. *yang da sempetin baca ga boleh marah :)) just an interesting single koki kok..

*dicatat di sini sesuai kisah nyata, semua tempat dan creatures yang disebut di atas, bukan khayalan apalagi mimpi..

**phiuufff… perasaan jadi lebih enak sekarang. thanks to single koki

Have you ever been ? Why it seems to be more love and be loved in between ?
Feel weak when you feel (have to be) strong and going get a new life ?
More ready for goodbye and sadder ? Some kind feeling of betrayer when decided to be not together anymore ?
Will it be better after be separated ? Or worst ? * The optimist said, must be better *
Leaving your comfort zone, be prepared then..

Would be all alone on my own for couple weeks to unlimited..
Miauw mao pergi juga..
*Ampyun*

aneh.sepi..

belakangan ini makan malam sendiri. setiap plg kerja, rumah masih gelap.
(1) nyalain lampu kitirannya lini, (2) nyalain lampu dapur n kamar mandi bawah, (3) buka pintu kamar, nyalain lampu, nyalain komputer,
(4) naik ke atas, nyalain lampu atas, kasih makan ikan lini (yg uda diwariskan) — namanya bendera (weirdo!).. kasi makannya
mesti tunggu dia bangun dolo soalnya kalo gelap dia suka tidur, abis bangun masi bengong2 n puter2 ga jelas gitu, baru pas gue
turun dia ga malu-malu lagi utk makan.. dasar.

selanjutnya adalah nyalain lagu eka deli yang enakkkkk banget (makasi to eci) ‘Rinduku dan Hasratku’ di winamp. berhubung cuma
satu lagu itu yang ada, repeat until deh, until mulai bola. malem ni (saat gue post ini dibacanya : ’semalem’) spanyol vs ukraina. Sheva maen
ga ya.. Masi sedih mengingat dia pergi jauh ke chelsea, masi ga rela. tapi yasud lah, mao gimana lagi. life must go on.

eka deli utk ketiga kalinya..
gue emang lagi kangen ama banyak hal ama banyak orang.. sampe agg pengen bkaca-kaca hiks
ma temen-temen rumah gue, ma ramenya ni rumah di malem-malem kaya gini. makin malem makin kangen, yang biasanya di tengah malem makin rame
sekarang da kaya di pedesaan geto, jam 7 aj da sepi. untungnya ada tetangga sebelah rumah yang suka -entah loncat-loncat ato nendang-nendang tembok
kita bersama gara-gara gol dari negara yg dia pasang tarohan (kaliii, jangan ditangkep pak polisi, kecurigaan tidak berdasar).. hehehuik
lanjut yang tadi, kangen cerita-cerita+ketawa-ketawa+marah-marahan ama mereka. tiba-tiba aj semua ilang. ada miauw, tapi dia
suka keluyuran tinggalin gue. kadang dia pulang gue da ngantuq brats. ya, gitu d..
saking kangennya, kepikiran tar kl da pada married kita mao tinggal satu kompleks di blok yg sama..*halah*

gue kangen ama temen2 kantor gue yg gila2. da beberapa bulan ini tiap hari gue nongkrong di klien, jd jarang bergosip dan berakrab2 ria d.
last hot gossip si: ada anak kantor gue yg jadi ikonnya iklan hellomoto. Hahaha, mukenya sama persis. namanya su djung. saking
lucunya gue ga brenti ketawa sejak nemuin tu iklan pas makan siang sampe da balik ktr lagi.. dan gue putusin utk pasang mukenya di thumbnail
nya nomor dia di hape gue (hasil potonya pidy di counter motorolanya). olala….
last fact nya : tar lagi misae mao cabut dari klub artha_fighter, akhir bulan ini.anak2 bilang dia pinter, soalnya masuk belakangan
tapi lulusnya duluan heheh. gue ama anak2 sampe terpacu banged utk blajar lebih keras, spy bisa nyusul dia. gud luck ver.. (tar ga bisa C**m lagi d)

gue kangen ma anak2 bascomm. da lama ga maen bareng. pengen balik ke waktu2 kuliah lagi — waktu seneng2 saat kuliah tepatnya.
harus nginep2 lagi sebelum maryo married ne.. ayo dong!

gue juga kangen ama seseorang *censored* .. eh bola da mulai, sheva ada (kangen sheva juga!), moro ga ada. nonton dulu d

.. hasilnya : sheva ga dapet support, ukraina cupu..

My second post of d day.. Sehari di office..
Feel stuck on my recent job. Kerasanya si da lama, tapi ga tau kenapa hari ni *parah*. Rasanya da mentok banget.
Thought i’ve done my best on it or may be not yet ya? Jadi ga obyektif terhadap diri sendiri, ato istilahnya ga pede kali ya.
Di sini tidak ada standar penilaian kinerja karyawan, terserah yang berwenang.. Im enjoying days dats mostly uncomfortable. Better when @ client. This really has no relation with my colleagues, they r really really great. Lup ya guys. Mungkin ga siy, di umur segini kita blom nemuin jati diri yang sebenernya. *Apa gue doang yang terbelakang :(* Kerjaan gimana yang paling cocok dan bisa buat gue berkembang abis-abisan (hehe, bahasa yang buruk). Kerja yang bisa sepenuhnya gue nikmatin. Ada satu yang gue idam2in, nulis. tapi ga tau gimana mulainya.. dari blog ini mungkin..

Pagi ini, abis ujan, pas banged utk stay di bawah selimut..
But here i am, having job’s new adventures, on the way..
Naek M24 (jurusan apa ya, ga penting d) bedua housemate yg juga mao kerja. Pas naek tu da crowded bgt, penuh orang-orang kerja yang secara tampang juga sama malesnya kaya gue huehue. Rasanya si gue yang salah pilih posisi duduk, karena tepat di sebelah gue ada cewe-cewe yg lage curhat. Dan pastinya seisi angkot tu ngedengerin semuanya sampe detail per katanya (termasuk cowo yang sok tidur di ujung heheh). Pembicaraannya adalah seputar bagaimana menjadi mak comblang yang akhirnya menyebabkan timbulnya perasaan ga jelas antara si mak ama si cowo. Cowonya si yang ser-ser gimana (ngupingnya kumplit. maklum tepat di sebelah hehe) dan si cewe yang biasa tapi agak kebawa suasana gt d… dan blablabla (males d cerita lengkap). Intinya siy gue ga ngerti, kenapa orang suka ngobrol di angkot yang pastinya didengerin oleh smua umat di angkot. Kan bisa ntar-ntaran aj, lagian mereka da sms-an koq malemnya (hehe, ni jg hasil nguping). Malu kaleee…Apa gue yang sensi sendiri ya..

Frequently Asked Question - F A Q

Common question for some people (r u on d list?) who’s soulmate of mine.. Never know till he/she comes right in front of you, get real into your days. Not fullstop after that, followed, is there any obstacles beyond that which make you two cant be together even you two have tried to get over?

Can soulmate be described by category, how it should be mine, how it should be yours as it will make us easier to find one. One big big question, may you miss ur soulmate for other? If you may, can you create your own soulmate over him/her? Can it be happily ever after? Me, privately, thinks it’s a highly possibility. Its something to win by struggling. When you win, he/she will be titled as YOU’s soulmate. And things called love stay til the end.

Never try means  z e r o. So try to find yours now..